Because I'm a Tea Dork

Okay, these are just too funny so I had to share...

StripTea and DecmocraTea teabags

Shark Tea Infuser

*Giggle*

More Kitty + Water = Awesome

So funny!

From Cute Overload

Shower Kitty

This is so hilariously awesome.

Because I should have shared this before...

Whee!

A little dose of cute for the day, courtesy of Cute Overload. My fav is around the 1:10 mark with the grocery bag.

Fail Blog: Ken Lee!

*dies*

This tickles me so much, I had to share.

From Fail Blog

Funny For Today

Everyone, meet Winston. He's a kitty that shows up every so often on Cute Overload. I spent a good bit of time last weekend checking out Winston's YouTube videos and really should have shared this then, but didn't. However, I "rediscovered" this video and thought it was share-worthy.

It cracked both me and Dan up to watch. So funny!

Wanna see more Winston cuteness? Go watch Winston Chirp on CuteOverload.

So True!

Yeah, this guy so owns a cat. Or else he has a camera in our house and sees what goes on every day.

Pitter Patter

Smile for the Day

I've been less than happy lately but I found something that has yet to fail to put a smile on my face when I see it, so I thought I'd share to give others a little grin.

Kill Me

I spent way too much time looking at icanhascheezburger.com, which I shouldn't do because the awful spelling and general crackness of the site hurts my head like crazy. But I did find this and it cracked me up, so I'm sharing:

Smiles

This is something that made me smile today so I thought I'd share. It's about 6 minutes long.

Have you ever...?

Have you ever seen a baby panda sneeze?

Go ahead, watch it a few times. I did!

C'mon!

C'mon! I can't be the only one to find this funny! Dan looked at me like I was nuts when I showed it to him.

It's funny, people!

Was I the only one that had to read Beowulf in high school English class?

Huh?

Dan actually got this error message yesterday from one of his clients' email server. Check out the reason for the error in the Description box.

"...which failed to start because of the following error:
The operation completed successfully."

Uh oh!

Come on, don't tell me we were the only ones that found that hilarious!

*Giggle*

No, this isn't Nibby (thank goodness - he's not bright enough to get out) but something lovely MIL sent me from a random (and weird) site she frequents.

Can't Sleep - Duty Calls

*giggle*

Hehe.

Yeah, I know I've been posting a lot of random (hopefully funny) stuff. But it is just a portion of what I run in to. And lately Dan has been on a Chuck Norris kick (Every night before the boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris) so be thankful I haven't made a "Chuck Norris" label for my posts.

This? Is Funny!

The Nature Boy Ric Flair has also endorsed Huckabee. I can't figure out if that's something that will help or hurt him in the primary!

Funny

Now THIS has redeeming social value!

Because this is funny, and funny = social value.

I just love this. *snort*

*giggle*

Dan and I see this commercial all the time while watching Ducks games on NHL Center Ice. It makes me laugh every time.

A Monkey-Free Post

So, I had intended on posting a pictures of the toothless Cocoa (even had the picture all sized up, etc). And I thought I had sent the picture to my email account (my laptop had to be sent off again to Gateway so I figured I'd get the pic from my email and post it from another computer or while at work). Well, apparently I didn't actually send it to myself. I have no idea where that picture is other than stored on my laptop hard drive which is currently sitting on the filing cabinet next to the TV (just the hard drive - the laptop is in South Dakota or wherever Gateway's service center is).

So, instead of Cocoa pictures and updates (though she is doing great, thanks for asking), I bring you job funnies:

What The New Job-Lingo Means

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around. [Ah, so true.]

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left. [I feel like this one now!]

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. [Easier said than done - 1 year later and I still can't figure it out.]


Inspirational Phrases You Will Never Hear At Work...

1. There is no "I" in "teamwork." But there is in "management kiss-up."

2. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. [This one kills me and just might be my favorite.]

3. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

4. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.

5. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition.

6. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who oppose them.

7. 2 days without a human rights violation.

8. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?" [Some days I'm not so sure]

9. If at first you don't succeed, try management.

10. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

12. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.

13. If at first you don't succeed, delegate it.

14. Plagiarism saves time.

15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Randomness Abounds

Kitty Terms
Ailurophile - A person who likes cats
I am a definite ailurophile.
Anurous - A term used to describe a tail-less cat
Happy is an anurous.
Clowder - A group of cats; also known as a clutter
Dan and I have a clowder of cats.
Flehmen Reaction - The look a cat has when it savors an unusual or evocative scent - the head is raised and the mouth is held slightly open
Chloe loves showing off her cute little "Flehmen reaction" face after smelling another kitty's butt.
Kindle - A group of kittens
Gidget's kindle always sounded like they were rolling bowling balls in the tub when they would play in there. So of course they did it at 3am.

To People Who Visit & Like to Complain About My Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, it's is an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Why Pets Are Better Than Kids
1. They eat less
2. They don't ask for money all the time
3. They are easier to train
4. They usually come when called
5. They never drive your car
6. They don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. They don't smoke or drink
8. They don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. They don't wear your clothes (though Nibby does try)
10. They don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Dear Pets
To My Pets,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

Love,
Your human

You need to know this....

Okay, first off, I have delayed posting about Dan's surgery from last Friday because I have no pictures. I am disappointed that I forgot my camera and thus missed out on the classic picture of Dan's feet pre-op. His right foot had "No" written on it and his left had "Yes". It was really funny to see, but on paper, not so much. *Sigh*

The docs removed the bone spur and cut out the ganglion thing, which actually turns out not to be a ganglion but rather gout. They sent it to a lab to check so we'll know soon (I guess). And yes, I laughed when the doctor told me. I mean, come on! It's GOUT, people! It's still funny!

The Gout

Anyway, Dan is doing good. His toe is all wrapped up and he's wearing a little boot thing which looks really uncomfortable but better than closed-toed shoes. He's got a check up on Monday so maybe the boot can come off (though maybe not). Until then, his new name is Gimpy. He even answers to it.

But now on to the important stuff - something to make you smile. And before you ask, yes, I am a dork and that is why I'm posting these (number 7 and 8 are my favs).

Now on to the funnies:

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog

18. What Kind of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

And just so you can't say I never taught you anything, did you know that there are more chickens than people in the world?

Yep, now you know.

Christmas Giggle

Okay, so it made me laugh.



C'mon! It's funny - you know it's funny!

For Dan

I'm posting this in honor of my husband who is the biggest General Tso's fan I have ever met.

This is taken from an article from Fusion, Glenn Beck's magazine.

April's Fusion

General Tso

It is possible, as we have learned since our move to New York City, for a man to exist solely on General Tso's chicken. Our General Manager Chris Balfe has scientifically proven this to be true. Chris spent our first few weeks downing the chicken of General Tso for ever meal, every day. We are very proud of him, although his arteries may not be.

But this microcosm in the world of chicken doesn't bode well for the U.S. in the inevitable U.S./China war. Who is America's only military man who designed a chicken dish? Colonel Sanders. First of all, they have a General, we only have a Colonel; we're simply outranked. Second, Colonel Sanders came up with his famous recipe himself. Maybe he should be planning battles instead of coming up with recipes.

General Tso just called in a few local cooks with innovative recipes until he found one he liked. All the other cooks were executed. That's a much cooler way to come up with a new dinner treat.

So, in summary, the U.S. will eventually cease to exist and China will win the war because of their superior poultry. Plus, they have a billion people and our citizens lose interest in a war faster than your hunger returns after eating General Tso's.

Ever have one of those days...

Hehe, my cousin Cindy sent me this. And after dealing with the insurance company and their two million different adjusters (okay, only three, but still!)I definitely feel like this!