Randomness Abounds
Kitty Terms
Ailurophile - A person who likes cats
I am a definite ailurophile.
Anurous - A term used to describe a tail-less cat
Happy is an anurous.
Clowder - A group of cats; also known as a clutter
Dan and I have a clowder of cats.
Flehmen Reaction - The look a cat has when it savors an unusual or evocative scent - the head is raised and the mouth is held slightly open
Chloe loves showing off her cute little "Flehmen reaction" face after smelling another kitty's butt.
Kindle - A group of kittens
Gidget's kindle always sounded like they were rolling bowling balls in the tub when they would play in there. So of course they did it at 3am.
To People Who Visit & Like to Complain About My Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, it's is an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Why Pets Are Better Than Kids
1. They eat less
2. They don't ask for money all the time
3. They are easier to train
4. They usually come when called
5. They never drive your car
6. They don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. They don't smoke or drink
8. They don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. They don't wear your clothes (though Nibby does try)
10. They don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Dear Pets
To My Pets,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
Love,
Your human
Ailurophile - A person who likes cats
I am a definite ailurophile.
Anurous - A term used to describe a tail-less cat
Happy is an anurous.
Clowder - A group of cats; also known as a clutter
Dan and I have a clowder of cats.
Flehmen Reaction - The look a cat has when it savors an unusual or evocative scent - the head is raised and the mouth is held slightly open
Chloe loves showing off her cute little "Flehmen reaction" face after smelling another kitty's butt.
Kindle - A group of kittens
Gidget's kindle always sounded like they were rolling bowling balls in the tub when they would play in there. So of course they did it at 3am.
To People Who Visit & Like to Complain About My Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, it's is an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Why Pets Are Better Than Kids
1. They eat less
2. They don't ask for money all the time
3. They are easier to train
4. They usually come when called
5. They never drive your car
6. They don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. They don't smoke or drink
8. They don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. They don't wear your clothes (though Nibby does try)
10. They don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Dear Pets
To My Pets,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
Love,
Your human
posted by Amanda at
10:31 AM
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